The trouble with English

The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

There is neither egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France (Surprise!).
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

so...; thats why we live in France for its language.

At least we know that all male sex-organs are female "LA" and most female sex-organs are male "LE". (makes perfect sense)
Dust, rain, snow, hale, storms are (of corse) always female "LA"
Its also La moustache by the way!

Sun, weather, kitchen, sex and even births are all male "LE" (yes Birth my friends, really very masculin!!) handbag, bra, make-up and even lipstick are all masculin; "LE". (funny lot these Froggies...)

So its; LE guy has LE coffee in LE armchair with LE newspaper if we, les wives, dont mess up LE happiness of his lordship as than it soon becomes "de LA merde"!
Why is it that when there's Le problem in Le airplaine it instantly becomes LA catastrophe because of LA bad vision...?

Thank God for LE divorce and LA pension and LA cedit card!

And you think English is bizarre????....

See also http://www.anglaisfacile.com/beginners/introapi.php and http://www.anglaisfacile.com/beginners/introapi2.php